Not so happy holidays

Ever have that feeling that you've forgotten something or something has gone wrong? Apparently our brains normally produce natural chemicals that make us feel good. when we do something worth-while or good the chemical production increases and we get a boost of "good feelings". After prolonged use of drugs the brain has stopped producing the chemicals and when the drug is not there you are slammed into a state of hopelessness. Depressed,anxious,extremely emotional,and sometimes violent or angry personality traits are amplified. This is one of the hardest factors to deal with if you are a spouse and/or parent. We have huge affects on our family members. I've wandered in and out of recovery several times when i have caught myself being"short tempered with my loved ones". The lack of joy or ability to feel joy is an ugly state for small children to view. Add the guilt of realization and the hole gets deeper. This viscous cycle can and will envelope your existence. As I struggle down this road the cold hard truth becomes more and more evident; I will never be the same.

relapse

" It's going to happen." That's what im being told. Now the pain and loss of productivity for 10 - 12 days will have to be endured again. The definition of insanity is "doing the same things and expecting different results". I guess this means im totally insane. Being a husband and father compounds all of the normal issues related to this condition. If i could drop everything and move to a deserted island for a year this would be alot easier,but this is not an option for an addict who is married and/or has children. I must endeavor to persevere although hope is in very short supply.

my head is like a pillow stuffed with cotton

It's still very hard to focus on any single thing. It's like i'm standing in a thick fog. I can only think as far as I see and right now that's about 5 feet in front of me. At least I'm not asleep. I'll post more when my head clears.

meth laws

The laws pertaining to meth are increasingly harsh and apparently going to get worse. Considering the fact that one in every three people use/have used meth,it seems that society would realize that incarceration/imprisonment are not viable answers to the problem. Most of the general public do not realize that simply possessing meth is a felony. So the powers that be think someone possessing meth should not have the right to vote or to bear firearms or to obtain a descent job. It sickens me to see the blatant hypocracy of my peers considering some of the people holding positions of authority in my particular community used drugs as teenagers. These people know who they are. I consider them to be ridiculous and beneath me and every other honest member of society. I am not by any means advocating the use of any illegal or legal substance that is habit forming. Nor am i saying the laws for distributing these substances should be lessened. Its just incredible to me that society today has become so pompous that it has no patience or empathy. Eventually these laws and penalties will change or the impact on our economy and society as a whole will be dramatic. Nearly a whole generation of people will be pushed to the side or hidden in prisons and jails,preventing them from contributing to society in any way. This will have numerous detrimental effects  on everyone in our society. it has already begun. These people need help not prison time.  

withdrawels

The withdrawels associated with meth addiction are extreme. From terrible  sweats to pain in all the joints,to lower back pain. Remaining hydrated is very important as its easy to dehydrate due to the lengthy episodes of uncontrolled sleep. supervision of medical professionals is a must.